Like Calm Water.

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BAH (Humbuggery.)

Blast.

I is educated.

(Haiku) Day.

A blue vein morning
shuffling skin, caffeine shooting
and a magic day.

Paper Cuts and Moth Balls.

Ridiculous (sort of) ways that I wouldn't want to die -

• Suffocation from being wrapped in yards of bubble wrap (with a plastic bag on my head) and being rolled down a steep hill (on a dark and stormy night.)
• Being mauled to death by racoons.
• Food poisoning from a radioactive apple.
• Drowning in a vat of purple paint (in a diabolical genius' secret purple-paint producing hide out.)
• In a row boat. Any sort of row boat.
• Travelling back in time and being killed by a troop of pigmies.
• Travelling back in time and being mauled to death by dinosaurs (and by the racoons who followed me into my time machine.)

That Old Ruffian.

6.32am.

Daddy Dearest and me making breakfast.

Dad approaches,

"Could you imagine humans not having skeletons?"

Dad makes his body go all sloppy and his hand flimsy. His tongue sticks out of his mouth and he goes cross eyed.

Me - "I don't think we'd be able to stand up."

Dad, continuing to look like a drugged up cthonic monkey - "Yeah I know."

Me - "We'd squish about on the floor."

Dad - "I know."

Me - "I don't think it'd be very comfortable."

Dad - (still imagining he has no bones. Flopsying about the kitchen.)

Me - "Yeah. I think it'd be weird."

Dad - "Yeah. I know. Coffee?"

Periwinkles and Cthonic Monkeys.

I think if I were to be reincarnated, I'd want to be some sort of flightless bird. None of this cliche - set me free-ness.

No butterflies. Or soaring eagles.

You know, I wouldn't even want to come back as an intimidating Lion (or would I be a Lioness? I wouldn't know, I haven't given much thought on what gender I want to be next).

I'd want to be a flightless bird. Not an emu. They have big bottoms. I'm thinking more along the lines of a penguin. But I don't like the cold. So most probably one of those midget Queensland variety. The little ones that waddle about and always look happy. Yes. I'd want to be one of them. I'd plod about on the sand and attempt to bite tourists feet (haven't they heard of providing a sustainable environment for me to waddle about in?)

Then when they'd try and feed me those vulgar things called - fish - I'd just try and bite of their human-fingers (with no intention to eat them - I promise) and then I'd make some sort of penguin noise (of glee) and waddle quickly away. (I'd make such a happy little penguin.)

Oh yes. That's what I want my afterlife to be like.

Although - if reincarnation doesn't work out - the thought of eternal blackness is a little boring. So If I had to be subject to some sort of one-ness of colour (please no pomo comments on the nature of colours) I suppose the one colour I'd be glad to stare at (and live in) for eternity would have to be - dusty gold. It's such a friendly colour. I'd dance about in it and if I moved and twirled in circles, it would swirl with my eternal being.

(But I still like the idea of being a penguin better.)