Tingle Tense.

I've been neglecting my nails. They're all dirty and rough now.

=(

On a brighter note...Chris bit me today, leaving brace and teeth marks.

My hair is longer than it was at the start on the year. *strokes hair*

Words that come to mind -
- Tango.
- Luminescent.
- Knot.
- Irristable.
- Adorably annoying.
- Jaundis.
- Remorse.
- Estactic.
- Poke.
- Shmo.

Ms. asked the class what 'sophistication' in writing was today. That got everyone to shut-up.

My nails are still dirty.

Lions, Tigers and Bears...Oh Yeah...

Been a while -

Few random up-to-date facts.

- Got introduced to 'Flaming Carrot' comics through Dan on saturday. hehehehhe...carrot.

- Read newspaper and stayed in my room all Sunday evening watching dvds.

- Monday, first recess in ages with David's company. Go David!

- Tied tampons to Ralph's modern history book, then a pad to David's pencil case.

- Should re-read notes made for the Legal Studies assessment tommorow.

- Really, really, really, don't like the evil squattors durin Tuesday lunch times who exploit the area we - WE - have claimed through marking our territory with our scent.

- Watched classic Monty Python episode for English Extension class, can't wait for the rabbit scene.

- Wearing blue fluffy slippers.

- Really enjoying this pleasant change in weather, lasted all day at school without a jumper (which I haven't been able to do in months).

- Waiting for spring to come. *jumps up and down*

Click.

Picture of me and fellow folk.

Can you see my curly hair...can you?!

Milieu Stories.

Hoping to cheer Jennifer up, I licked a pink geranium on the petals and then went straight for the pollen. Mmmmmm, flowery. I made her giggle for a few seconds.

Reading The Joy Luck Club has got me wondering about 'face'. Not the physical face - but face, face. Pride. Self worth? Respect. I guess it's a silent thing everyone acknowledges that the Chinese (maybe other nationalisties also) have acknowledged.

Is one born with face, or is it something you earn?

We listened to 'All for you, Sophia' by Franz Ferdinand in modern history today. Sir seems to like the song. We briefly analysed the song for its historical content also.

Yesterday, me and Erin were discussing things wrong in movies. Being able to see microphones, extremely wrong lines for subtitles when watching english films and I mentioned the atrocious mistake in Pretty Woman.

There's a scene where Julia Roberts is eating breakfact with Richard Gere (after their first meeting and she spends the night). He was such a gentleman he ordered her everything on the breakfast menu. So she's sitting and they're talking.

It's a medium-close up shot of Julia eating a croissant.

The shot changes ot Richard and then back to Julia.

But lo and behold! she's not eating a croissant anymore...she's holding a PANCAKE that hasn't been bitten yet.

Wait, there's more -

The shot changes to Richard again - he's still talking.

It switches back to Julia and this time around, she's still holding a pancake but but but...the pancake is whole and she has not taken a bite.

It's preposterous.

Rollercoaster.

Random things from my day -

- Messaged Chris at 6.28am to wake him up and piss him off.

- Flock of birds flew over me on the way to school and I imagined feathers falling from the sky.

- Sally brought her digital camera to school to test how long her batteries would last.

- I found another one of those 'Please...Cancer' posters near the hall!

- Stroked Jennifer's hair affectionately in English class.

- Ate my tub of fruit in natural juice with a plastic fork. Got no juice.

- Went on a quest for fundraising chocolate with Chris and ended up running to religion class.

- Messaged my sister during religion class to ask if Sydney University is holding an open day.

- Fell asleep near the end of the Economics assessment test. Simply could not work out the 'proper' way to calculate marginal rate of tax beteen $4000 and $6000 with the blah blah blah blah.

- Had discussion with Dan, Ralph and Chris over the order of 'rock, scissors, paper'. Which they claim is really, 'scissors, paper, rock.' As if.

- Ate Amanda's Mum's beautiful tofu. Brilliant stuff.

- Used new 'hardcore' Elmo-school bag to school. So hardcore people made fun of it. *strokes bag*

- Finally got chocolate and ended up smelling the wrapper whilst still craving chocolate.

- Currently listening to Franz Ferdinand's album for the third time today. Catchy.

- Found out Mr. Murray had a poster of Che Guevara in his room similar to mine when he was my age.

- Also found out I won't be allowed to claim Walt Disney was a historian for an assignment next year (for history elective class).

- Tried to cheer David up by making 'meep meep meep meep meep meep' noises continuosly.

- Realised I laughed alot today. *feels and warm and fuzzy*

Rewinde: The Rules.

I am reluctantly writing. Why is this? Because I know I should be making use of my afternoon and studying for the economics exam tommorow (assessments and then two weeks later exams, brilliant organisation on the side of staff administration at school).

It was Jeeeeennniifffeerr's birthday.

I don't get that hyped about birthdays, because of the fact they're never on the same day - you could have been born on tuesday but because of the date you may celebrate it another day every other year. WAIT - the calender works like that right!?

Days and dates never stay the same...well that's what I've assumed (silly, silly, ignorant me.)

She was showered with presents.

We got her squishy apple-teacakes and forwent the usual chocolate birthday cake with sickening icing. mmmmmmm communal cake.

Chris and me had a flicking competition during sport. I have red marks in circle shapes now.

Oh, I'm in good spirits because I got accepted to do history extension. I'm actually looking forward to doing my nine-month project. I don't know what I'll do it on, but do one I will.

I'm neither achingly sad or estactically high. But but but but but...neutral? nnnnoooo. Or so I hope not. I'll accept I have a mediocre life, but that's still a very unencouraging thought.

Maybe because I've grown up in suburbia, I simply can't appreciate it for what it is.
A 'peaceful' limbo.
Not as chaotic as the city. Not as sleepy as the country. Road and stores every few kilometres, but no skyrises. Cars and bikes, but no horses or cows. Rows and rows of houses with backyards.
Fences and letterboxes.

This is what people have worked for. I don't know if this is the 'dream' - the quiet life.

WORLD WAR ONE.
The class will most likely debate who was 'most' responsible for its outbreak. I refuse to say it is Germany. Despite how aggressive, militaristic etc they were...I can't just say they were the provokers. All the superpowers of the time had influence.

So on that train of thought...I thought about all the times I thought I was right.
Hah.
Key word: thought.
Maybe I'm not right and that's not such a bad thought anymore. I'd still like ot think that when needed I'll pretend to think I'm right and just vomit all this hypocritical shizzle. Like in essays.
*happy thoughts*

Exams in a few weeks. Even though I don't like them, I get annoyed when I can't remember parts of the course work - I enjoy that feeling I get.
That even though I'm being tested only up until that point in my life - that I can't really prove what I could do, but just what I can do at that moment, in those seconds, minutes and few hours - it's something that just, just...makes me sit back and think 'ha ha.'

How I can pick up my pen and know, if I don't do this exam I fail and if I do what I can, I could pass (hopefully) with 'flying colours' (or red, blue and white as the school colours permit.)

Then, that cramp you get from the end of the index finger to the base of the thumb. Where you can flex and it aches. That ache is the ache-of-achievment. Doesn't matter if my mark isn't all that, it's just - I did that, I made my hand hurt.
See?
It doesn't matter if I think I'm right or wrong. No questioning of self-worth. Maybe slight bitterness towards education, but still a perverse gratefulness for giving me the opportunity to write and write and write.

Just me and my aching hand.

Then I'll stare at my paper and unfocus my eyes. All the inky pen scratchings will jumble and blur. Take a mental picture. Flip all the booklets closed and stare at the front.

I'm looking forward to it all now.

Subject - Pcik up. Drop.

It rained on one half of A(nal) Block and not on the other. Ammmaazzing...and then the clouds drifted and it rained everywhere.

I broke my cookie-monster bag this morning. Ah. I got a new bag, so not to worry.

It's Jennifer's 17th Birthday tommorow. *wipes tears*

Got hold of a Garcia Gabriel Marquez (don't know if the first two naes are definately in order - the book is in anotehr room) book and am hoping to start reading it tonight.

Books I've loved but seem to always forget to re-read -

- The Power of One and Tandia by Bryce Courtney.
- The Obernewtyn Chronicles by Isobelle Carmody.
- Threshold by Sara Douglass.
- The Pigman by Paul Zindel.
- Gods by Vladimir Nabokov.
- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
- The Daggerspell series by Katherine Kerr.
- Walking Naked by Alyssa Brugman.

Ah. Can't recall all now.

It's wonderful Snickers and Mars are back on the shelfs. It really, really is.

So, rhetorical question for the day ----->

Is a bus worth waiting for when I can just walk there?

Proportional taxes have regressive impacts.

Trisha's Party was last night.

Had a splendid, splendid, splendid time. I particularly liked her special watermelon. Also, finally got to break open the coconuts. Dan the genius opened his using his teeth, a pole and the cement floor. I ate salad. mmmmm, lettuce.

Now I'm just eating english muffins and tea, just about to finish off some homework and then go off to Cabra library to meet Tuyet (and maybe Chris) in order to tutor people in economics. Beautiful, beautiful economics.

I'm amazed at how much shit we all talked last night. I had a conversation with Ben about who has the pretty earings?

I really hope Patricia had a great night.

I'd better get a move on, school work taunts me.

Cha cha cha cha.

Daaaafffaffoodil Day.

I have nothing to do with the fundraising for Daffodil Day *feels bad for a moment* - but I did attempt to positively contribute to the occasion by helping a few people write out the messages to go with the Daffodils.

I had a field day. If I had a chocolate for every single message that read 'Friends 4eva!!!' I'd be really, really, really, really...satisfied right now.

Some Silly-Billy's didn't even put a year or class. No daffffoodils for their recipients.

Patricia's Party (ooh, the alliteration) is tommorow. Finaly, we can break open the coconuts. Looking forward to it.

I have work tonight. Such enlightening work.

Did you know that 24 tablets of Panadol* is $3.95. Now panadol is only 500mg of paracetemol. Keeping that in mind, Panamax* (a generic brand) offers the same thing (500mg of paracetemol) for only $3.10 for 50 tablets. Bargain! Sadly only a few people know this and bother to ask. Just thought i'd let the cycber world know.

* Panadol is neither owned or endorsed by the author.
* Same thing goes for Panamax.

Twenty-Four. Raising.

*munch munch munch munch munch munch*

Brilliant graffiti, possibly from angry posse from another school (yeah that right bbbrrrooooo). Hilarious stuff.

They wrote things like "(Insert school name here) sucks."

"Fuck (Insert school name here)" and drew a pathetic excuse of a penis on a wall in the middle of the school.

I particularly loved the use of our 'F' block sign (it's the letter F in bold in a box) and merely adding 'uck you!' to it.

It was a lame attempt which even failed to raise school spirit. I think the majority of us know our school sucks.

I'm just annoyed that the nice grounds-keeper has to clean it all off.

On a completely different note -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICIA.

17 already. Amazing.

*chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp*

I Have No Pop Tarts.

I can't be bothered to recount the passed few days.

The only spectacular thing that happened was - I tried to talk to the family.

Today, they're carrying on as normal. Yet, ignoring me more so.

Like I said nothing at all.

I'm becoming a ghost.

Wind Blown Lips. Holes in my Jumper.

Very windy. Very cold. (For an Australian winter of course...)

English Extension was enlightening as always.

The Lady of Shalott was Tennyson having a piss about Industrialisation (or so Ms. says).
What I find comforting is the fact that, we can claim something can be anything and then we can somehow - justify all that.

It's brilliant.

I'm learning a life skill - how to manipulate something, that was never really real to begin with.

It's been entertaining. Learning how to be passive. Not letting things grate against my bones.

It's like loosing passion - but then somehow, gaining something much more worth while.

Feeling as if...one doesn't have to react to everything, because everything is not worth reacting to.

Maybe this is what loosing your spirit is.

Or what growing up is.

I'm disgusted and pleased at the same time.

Still, there may be less bone-grating, but now - it's like skin being cut.

It will heal for sure.

Maybe the skin will toughen and can no longer be pierced. Still, you know when you're being touched.

Maybe I'm lacking calcium.

A life without passion?

It still sounds impossible.

To hell with bones and skin. Everyone bleeds. Right?

In Layman's Terms.

Another poem I thought I'd share with the readers of this blog. I copied and pasted it off a website, so don't have high exectations and think I could even write it.

Comes the Dawn.

Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean learning
and company doesn't always mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you actually have worth.
And you learn and you learn...
with every good-bye you learn.

- - - - - - - - -

The above poem has reaffirmed the belief I have within myself.

If only.

Why.

Listen.

Control.

Spiral.

Relentless.

Dark nights.

Day dream days.

Time.

Perception.

Burning.

For what?

For this undefinable something.

Visual. Cellery. Bruises.

Another so-so day in the Life Of Me.

David sprayed Nish's cinamon mouthspray in my hair. Even through the hair it gave a burning sensation.

Gaul = France.

The peoples who peopled Gaul during the reign of Caesar were actually Celts. I learn new things ev-er-eeeyy-da-aaayyye.

I'm not feeling nothingess.

Because really, if you felt nothing, then you've defined that nothing and made it something, so - so - so...oh that just makes me run in cicles.

I don't particularly like running either.

The mornings are still cold.

I finished reading The Pigman by Paul Zindel and I asked a few of my friends to take this test where they listen to a story and rank who out of the characters was most responisble for the wfe's death. The reason behind it is, that each character symbolises something and by ranking them, you are supposedly revealing what is most important in your life.

The three boys I got to do it had 'love' as the thing in their lives that were least important.

Alot of people, male and female, had the cominations of 'fun' and 'sex' following each other. Furthermore, alot of them had 'money' in their top three.

I didn't take the test though.

I said it was because I had already read what each character symbolised. Maybe I'm telling the truth.

I took a test similar to that a few years ago. I still remember the ranking of what things were important to me.

For a while, I thought - yes - that makes sense.

As if that was what I was meant to be. What I chose to do, my decisions, it somehow came back to that point that yes - it supported what a lame test told me I could (would or should?) be.

I hated it.

I hated how in some cases the answers I picked were alright, how it suited my life.

It was just so...unsatisfying.

Ever get that feeling?

Mathematics in the Dirt (that one was for Jen).

I'm eating my dinner and it's 4.46pm.

Time is playing tricks on me again. Or maybe I should just learn how to read analog...properly this time.

Julius Caesar was a hypocrite.

His first major reform was to restrict governors from exploiting/abusing their positions of power. He introduced this law when he was given power.

How did he get this power? Through the abuse and manipulation of his own and other's powers.

Firstly, don't read this wrong. I'm not saying he was a 'bad-guy'. It's just...It still amazes me how people can bend and twist things so it suits their own purpose.

Maybe this feeling I have inside of me is one of admiration and yet still, a pang of resent.

It's 4.55pm now and I'm still eating my dinner. I've been hungry all day.

My, Oh, My...

Cha Cha Cha. I don't like the feeling I get when I sit in a classroom anymore. It's irksome. Entertaining. Annoying. Frustrating. Alive. I don't know. Wait...no, I don't think I do.

I'm back on my diet of fruitloops. I thought the phase had pased yet again. No it hadn't. The fruitloop munchies are back.

Watched Queen of the Damned today. My is Lestat a jexy vampire. All the biting and the sighs...aaaawww.

Obviously, because of the chosen afternoon movie - I wondered if I would want immortality. I remember someone asked me that question before and I instantly said 'No.' This time around, when I asked myself - I hesitated. Maybe I secretly want eternity. No matter how cold or how lonely.

Sally asked me to fill out her survey for her DAT assignment. She's designing what 'Heaven' could be like. More specifically, what an afterlife could be.

I gave ambiguos and over the top illogical answers because I didn't know the answers myself.

All I 'know' is what I think and that's not really knowing is it?

That's just thinking. Speculation.

So really, as is cliche - if this is my only chance at some sort of life - whether reality is relative, or percieved or all lies - if this is it - I'm sitting in religion class not focusing on the textbook in front of me, telling me what Buddhism is, or it's texts, I'm not listening to the conversations around me, I'm just sitting there.

An idle resource. (Hah, damn economics.)

I can't help but think...erom s'ereht.

Bianca + Spam = Bam.

Just printed off the Germany assignment.

Just need to hand it in now.

Thank you group. Such a team effort.

On a completely different note...today was as uneventful as they get.

Coconut Shellings.

Friday. Finally.

Today in english extension Ms. Rpein made us draw/write what we felt when we were listening to a song version of The Lady of Shallot. English classes at their best. I really enjoy those types of activities.

I've come to a conclusion. I want to drop Economics. I'll see how things go...

I'm eating a young coconut at the moment. I cut of the top and hacked into the shell all by myself. I'm so proud. Very tasty. Natures candy.

We did our Modern History presentation on Germany today. The whole class was entertaining. Good way to end a rather zig-zaggy week.

It's Erin's lil sister - Jade's - Birthday today and I'm taking time now to wish her a very very very Happy Birthday! (They promised to save me cookies and cupcakes because I have to go to work tonight).

I watched a documentary on the ABC about tracing the gene which caused hereitary Breat Cancer. One of the leading scientist's made the comment that there are three reason's why people do science -

- Altruistic.
- Curiosity.
- Fame.

It made me question why I did things. Not that I even do science at school - but that's besides the point. Or isn't it. I'm not sure.

One. Two. Two. Dammit.

Heeeeeellllloooooo cyber world.

Basketball Rec. today was very very very entertaining.

One- because we didn't play any b-ball.

Two - because we started playing lame games.

Three - because I've got to spend some much needed quality time with my pals.

The drearyness of the past couple of weeks seems to be going back into the shadows.

Why Ancient History classes are brilliant -
- Sir balances out the lessons in work/readin/discussion times.
- I understand the work and enoy learning about Roman history.
- I'm with a group of people I really never would have gotten to know if I didn't have the class.

Reasons for Bianca to drop Economics -
- I have no economic skills whatsoever.
- I'm beginning to despise money.
- If I hear the words 'income' 'elasticity' and 'industrial relations' said outloud...
- I'm fully aware of the relevance of the topic to life...but I can't seem to concentrate.

I found a lil pimple on my knee. I popped it of course. Silly lil pimple. Maybe it wasn't a pimple...