Artful Blogger. (Restricted Dodging.)

Like Calm Water.

2006-10-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

.

2006-08-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

BAH (Humbuggery.)

Blast.

2006-08-21T00:34:00.000-07:00

I is educated.

(Haiku) Day.

2006-08-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

A blue vein morning
shuffling skin, caffeine shooting
and a magic day.

Paper Cuts and Moth Balls.

2006-08-12T02:23:00.000-07:00

Ridiculous (sort of) ways that I wouldn't want to die -

Suffocation from being wrapped in yards of bubble wrap (with a plastic bag on my head) and being rolled down a steep hill (on a dark and stormy night.)
Being mauled to death by racoons.
Food poisoning from a radioactive apple.
Drowning in a vat of purple paint (in a diabolical genius' secret purple-paint producing hide out.)
In a row boat. Any sort of row boat.
Travelling back in time and being killed by a troop of pigmies.
Travelling back in time and being mauled to death by dinosaurs (and by the racoons who followed me into my time machine.)

That Old Ruffian.

2006-08-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

6.32am.

Daddy Dearest and me making breakfast.

Dad approaches,

"Could you imagine humans not having skeletons?"

Dad makes his body go all sloppy and his hand flimsy. His tongue sticks out of his mouth and he goes cross eyed.

Me - "I don't think we'd be able to stand up."

Dad, continuing to look like a drugged up cthonic monkey - "Yeah I know."

Me - "We'd squish about on the floor."

Dad - "I know."

Me - "I don't think it'd be very comfortable."

Dad - (still imagining he has no bones. Flopsying about the kitchen.)

Me - "Yeah. I think it'd be weird."

Dad - "Yeah. I know. Coffee?"

Periwinkles and Cthonic Monkeys.

2006-08-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

I think if I were to be reincarnated, I'd want to be some sort of flightless bird. None of this cliche - set me free-ness.

No butterflies. Or soaring eagles.

You know, I wouldn't even want to come back as an intimidating Lion (or would I be a Lioness? I wouldn't know, I haven't given much thought on what gender I want to be next).

I'd want to be a flightless bird. Not an emu. They have big bottoms. I'm thinking more along the lines of a penguin. But I don't like the cold. So most probably one of those midget Queensland variety. The little ones that waddle about and always look happy. Yes. I'd want to be one of them. I'd plod about on the sand and attempt to bite tourists feet (haven't they heard of providing a sustainable environment for me to waddle about in?)

Then when they'd try and feed me those vulgar things called - fish - I'd just try and bite of their human-fingers (with no intention to eat them - I promise) and then I'd make some sort of penguin noise (of glee) and waddle quickly away. (I'd make such a happy little penguin.)

Oh yes. That's what I want my afterlife to be like.

Although - if reincarnation doesn't work out - the thought of eternal blackness is a little boring. So If I had to be subject to some sort of one-ness of colour (please no pomo comments on the nature of colours) I suppose the one colour I'd be glad to stare at (and live in) for eternity would have to be - dusty gold. It's such a friendly colour. I'd dance about in it and if I moved and twirled in circles, it would swirl with my eternal being.

(But I still like the idea of being a penguin better.)

And They Told Me to Dance.

2006-08-03T00:51:00.000-07:00

I invite you (who so kindly bother to visit this here space) to enlighten me with your worst line(s) of writing. Nothing smutty or insulting (unless of course that's the extent of your vocabulary) but the usual lovely writing we used to drawl out in junior years.

Here are a few of my personal favourites.

His tummy did that flippy thing. He looked at her eyes. They were pools of happiness. His tummy did that flippy thing - AGAIN! Oh. He thought to himself. Oh. This must be l...

I knew I was angry. My fists curled into balls. I stamped my foot. I screamed at them, "I said two ice cubes!"

And then the sky turned blue. And then a giant dog appeared in the clouds. It barked at everyone. They screamed and panicked. The end of the word was near (and it was a bitch - literally and metaphorically.) Then they woke up. And it was all a dream. Until a giant dog appeared in the blue sky and barked at them!

Tra. La. La. La.

2006-07-31T03:49:00.000-07:00

I've taken to a'showering in the evenings (I'm testing how efficient I'll be if I don't bother cleaning in the morning.)

So far - it's going well. Roll out of bed. Get some food in me. Sit and ponder. Walk to wherever needs going to.

Yes. I think this action plan might just work.

Things that would make my life feel more meaningful -

A pot plant.
A small wooden spoon solely for honey eating purposes.
More scrap paper.

Damnation.

2006-07-29T03:11:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting, in the wee hours of Friday morning, in a lovely hospital triage waiting to be seen by the (friendly) nurse.

I know there'll be the questions, the temperature check, the blood pressure machine squeezy-thing and all the jazz. I'll manage some sort of polite smile and recount my day (and nights) exerts - the lack of solid food in me, the burning (and morbidly comforting) tang of bile in my mouth, my fingers tingling and that unstoppable shake (shake, shake, shake.)

Then I'll wait. And just wait. (Being me, my heads in my hands and I'm closingmy eyes, trying to think of distracting and nonsensical thoughts - penguins in a feild of daisies dancing the hokey pokey and subsitituting the words for the syllables of my name - just to cheer me up.)

But I can't imagine that forever. And so, in waiting (perhaps out of boredom or dehydration) I look around the shuffling, restless room. The sleepy faces, the frowning parents (that damned girl who can't stop crying and sniffling in her tissues.) The guy with some cuts on him. The pregnant woman who's just walked in. Her husband (and her) can't speak english all that well and he's struggling to tell the nurse what's going on. So he points at his wife and she knows straight away (clever lady, she knows.) So they go, walking past me, opening a few doors - shuffling away (to literally bring life into this world.)

I saw this - misery waiting for medicine, restless pain, impatient illness - and most importantly - however ill this may sound - I could not help but feel hopeful (about the next few days, the next few weeks, the next few years.) That unstable, queasy feeling (from the acid rising in my throat) was still there - but there was this - quiet resolution (gaining momentum in my mind).

I looked about and I felt awkwardly hopeful (that tommorow will be a new day, that I won't let myself be sick forever).

Bleep.

2006-07-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

Today was a blinkable day.

(Blinkable - a word often used by Bianca to describe a moment in time. If one blinked during such a moment, they would not miss what could have been seen (if they had not blinked.) )

Super Duper Quick Word Game.

2006-07-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

Sitting (as I always like to do) and thinking about the colour "lilac" made me laugh out loud. It's only because I thought of the word "periwinkle" (I have no idea what that is - is it another colour, a flower perhaps?) And so, I spent a decent amount of time - just sitting, thinking about colours and smiling to myself. So without further ado -

Fuschia - red wine and mashed potato vomit.
Peach - jaundice-skin under super red light (how that'd work, I don't know.)
Sky blue - the limp tongue of a decaying blue-tongue-lizards (tongue).
Mauve - blood and puss seeping out from fungas infested fingernails.
Hot pink - the colour of a (nice fat, pink) pigs skin after you slash a gash in its side, rub the blood all over its body and just let the colours (somehow) mix.
Fuzzy green - that sort you get on mouldy bread (if you're lucky it gets a blue-tinge).
Alien-green - from the healthy glow that all extra terrestrial beings from the planet Zygote have.

Don't Frown Cheery.

2006-07-23T22:31:00.000-07:00

Here are a list of scenario's to insert during those moments in conversation (when you're attempting to cheer yourself up) where everything's going fuzzy and it feels like it'll always rain outside (no more drought. no more sunshine.) -

"Hey, don't worry about it imagine..."

If a diabolical genius enslaved all of us and used us as forced labour in his/her candy factory. All day and all night we'll have to listen to merry-go-round music and in the never-ending-fluorescent light of our sugar-workshops, some of us would be driven to suicide. We'd be deprived of all food groups that don't contain 99.99999% sugar. For a while this would be great, until our teeth began to rot off and the smell of plump corpses get to us.
A world where there were no computers. I can't even begin to comprehend it. We'd have to have conversations face to face. You might even be made to write a letter. Imagine how terrible that would be.
If you had to prostitue yourself to fat-candy-factory-workers who'd only pay you in chocolate bars and were computer illiterate.
If you were conscripted to fight a mutated army of sugar-eating soldiers who smelt of chocolate and dried blood. Imagine having to bayonet their rounded figures, only to have super-pungent-thick-half-blood-half-oozing-fat suirt out at you due to some sort of high pressure. Imagine your uniform soaked in boiled-cherry-ripe-sort-of-liquid and the putrid smell of human fat.
Then, imagine your food supply diminishing. Soon your forced to eat the fallen soldiers.
Then you realise, they actually don't taste that bad. So you want more and more and more. Pretty soon you've mutated into a fat-sugar-blooded-fighter.
Then you realise this is was the diabolical genius planned all along. You get on your hands and knees and your bones feel like their melting. For some weird scientific reason your body is turning into a jelly-sweet-like-substance.
You die wailing, in a pool of sweet-smelling rot.

Tea-Soaked Breakfast.

2006-07-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

(I'm recovering from my lapse-of-immune-system) and my body tells me my progress is good. Here's what a balanced diet is, whilst ill and irritated -

A few vitamin B pills.
Followed by some iron.
Wash them down with tea.
Some type of citrus fruit (cut into square shapes.)
A few painkillers (wash down with some sort of soy beverage.)
An apple.
Honey.
Some nasal decongestants (and water.)
Porridge.
Maybe some amoxycillin for good measure (and fruit juice and/or water.)
More honey.

(If you stare long enough at your reflection, you'll notice one eye is bigger than the other. o.0 .)

Yonk.

2006-07-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

(Struggles) I don't want to blow up anyone (just yet.)

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Madonna.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

The Queen of Hearts.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

Soy. (The yellow sort.)

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What does your dream sandwich consist of, and does it contain the aforementioned cheese?

Honey. (Scrap the bread. Just give me a spoon.)

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie (porn counts) celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once... Who?

N/A. If there's no strings, there's no sex.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice.What music celebrity?

N/A.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Honey. A big wooden spoon. Some pot plants. Maybe a few watermelons.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Rio.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Lunch. Dinner. (Honey and a can of chickpeas.)

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice.

I'd rather have grape juice (and lots of it.)

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Aztec times, just before Hernan Cortez rocks up. (I would be praised as the Divine.)

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

No animal molestation of any sort.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?

No reality television. Maybe some sort of drama involving a tea-party, bambi, dumbo, hobbits - I'll call it, "The Intertextual."

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Bloody.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Ask them if they'd like some tea with honey.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the one thing you're going to save from that blazing inferno?

My honey supply.

18. The Angel Of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel Of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Burn all incriminating evidence.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

One word. Photosynthesis.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

The first time I had a vegemite sandwich.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (the answer "nothing" doesn't count)?

Primary school.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?

TASMANIA!

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

N/A. I can get drunk at home just fine (thank you very much.)

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"

Some sort of Church.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier have given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Judas Iscariot.

26. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Bubbles. My first fish.

27. What's your theme song?

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies.

Version 0.01223

2006-07-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

7.52am 19 July 2006.

I'm as sick as...(that I can't even think of a metaphor to describe my pathetic lack of an immune system.)

I've placed a lazy-tag on me. No waking up before so and so. No going out and doing such and such. Minimal effort involved (my theory is, if i stock up on lazy points, my more "active" self will start kicking in and wanting to go haywire in the upcoming weeks.)

I suppose only time will tell.

Hop. Hop. Chirp.

2006-07-12T14:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an odd day. Amanda, Rachele and myself went a'shopping (something we haven't done for a while.)

It was odd because - that was exactly what we were doing two years ago. Three years ago. (Months apart.)

It struck us then (walking about, on the esclatator, entering a store) that we've gotten older (obviously.)

Then Amanda would say something characteristically-Amanda-like, Rachele would laugh, I'd smile - and all would be well again (Because I'm sure we can grow in age, but we'll stay immature indefinately.)

Words I ought to use more often -

Swimmingly.
Dubious.
Quid pro quo.
Exasperated.
Ominous.
Persnickety

Barley Sugar.

2006-07-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

Things that make the world a better place -

Honey.
Pancakes (with honey).
A knife and a fork (to eat the pancakes with honey.)

Green With Something.

2006-07-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

It's 7.30am and I'm working my way through my morning avocado.

Now, avocado's are such an extreme fruit.

I've either had really good ones (deliriously good.)

And then -

There are the horrid ones. Too rotten. Or too unripe. The seed is surrounded by black muck and when you poke it, the wrinkly outside skin doesn't bounce back.

Well this morning, at 7.26am I took a spoonful of my morning avocado. (And it's neither great or bad - it tastes average.)

I don't know if that's an anti-climatic way to start my day. Or a good sign.

Keep At It.

2006-07-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

Another thing to add to your "before I die" list(s) -

Stare at yourself in the mirror for ten minutes (without laughing.)

Good Morning Dew.

2006-07-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

Beautiful things I saw this morning -

My breath condensing in front of me.
Porch lights flickering.
A lady standing under a lampost, waiting dilegntly for the bus to arrive (head bent, hands in pockets, staring at her breath condensing in front of her.)
An empty road.
The sunrise reflecting in windows.
Cracks in the pavement.

I'm Sorry Misery.

2006-07-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

Some cliches that still poke at the good ol' heart -

Shooting stars.
Red roses.
Full moon nights.
Fog in the morning, clearing to reveal a blue sky.
Apples being good for your teeth.
Waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Any sort of nursery rhyme.
A nice long walk (into the dark, with shooting stars above you, red rose bushes along the path, whilst eating an apple and humming "Mary Mary Quite Contrary.")

The Three.

2006-07-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

Okay. So there's

Their.

There. AND -

They're.

Their house is over there. I know this because they're opening the door with their key. Not there...there! (to the left, a little above the rose bushes.) That's right.

One. Four. (Seven Times Tables.)

2006-07-02T14:55:00.000-07:00

Reasons why it's bad to sleep in the dark -

Ninjas cloaked in black could sneak in and strangle you in your sleep.
When nature calls (or rather insists, that you ought to wake up and relieve yourself) you might slip out of bed and fall on one of the ninjas, who would them strangle you whilst you're wide awake.
Some sort of egg-laying insect that only moves with the cover of darkness could crawl onto your pillow, lodge itself in your ear and lay its eggs inside your head.
So that when the black ninjas strangle you (asleep or awake) the eggs in your head will suddenly implode, causing insect-egg-puss to ooze out (some of it goes out of your nose.) The stuff is so potent that you die of some form of toxic shock.
(The ninjas then disappear into the night.)

Mr. Eliot once said - "Do I dare disturb the universe?"

2006-07-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've decided to just start again.

It's 8.23am on a (cold) Sunday morning. I have an empty bowl, teapot, plate and cup in front of me (the remnants of my breakfast.)

I ought to be typing something up, or reading some sort of book - but right now I just can't. I've been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's albums over and over (thankyou David, I needed a change in music). Currently listening to "Brothers in a hotel bed."

It's 8.25am now and I know - soon I'll have to stand up and go to work. I'll spend my day behind a counter, staring at strangers and handing them their medicinal needs in brown paper bags (that I sticky tape closed, because I wouldn't want anything to fall out.)

My desk lamps been on for more than 48hours.

I got rid of my swivel computer chair (because I would get to distracted twirling about and not focus). Instead I helped myself to a sturdy wooden chair from the lounge room (I can't twirl about anymore.)

My hair is wet (from that cold morning shower.) I know it'll take half a day to dry (it always does.)

It's 8.29am and I'm sitting here, wishing I had something funny to say. Or something enlightening atleast. Some sort of quip about yesterday, some sort of joke about mailboxes, escalators, DVD players or lampposts (nothing comes to mind.)

I suppose today's just one of those days (where it would be so much more meaningful if it were a Dr. Seuss book - everything rhyming.)

So yes, I'm back.